Making self-care happen (to be a better person, caregiver, parent...& the list goes on)
The foundation of all development is emotional regulation. What is regulation?
The Child Mind Institute explains it like this:
"Self-regulation is the ability to manage your emotions and behavior in accordance with the demands of the situation. It includes being able to resist highly emotional reactions to upsetting stimuli, to calm yourself down when you get upset, to adjust to a change in expectations and to handle frustration without an outburst. It is a set of skills that enables children, as they mature, to direct their own behavior towards a goal, despite the unpredictability of the world and our own feelings."
Anyone who knows me knows another of my big passions is women's health. Although I have been into health and wellness for over a decade, I have had my share of health challenges over the years - and after being a predominantly healthy, strong person who rarely even got a cold, these issues shook me. I didn't have energy for the creativity I was used to, and didn't have resources available to try many new things, workout the way I was used to, or even talk to family and friends as vibrantly as I wanted to.
It took an in-depth journey full of acupuncture and chiropractic appointments, bloodwork, lots of downtime, doctor appointments, tons of saying no or cancelling when I wasn't up to something, countless dietary changes, and cutting back on workouts to get to feeling better.
I learned firsthand that if our cup isn't filled, it is nearly impossible to fully be there for life's ups and downs in the way that makes it meaningful and positive.
So - What does this have to do with development and raising kids?
As adults, we are still trying to figure out much of what we are trying to teach kids. My work is rooted in social-emotional development because emotions ARE development, and without self-regulation skills, kids aren't present for life they way we hope all kids to be.
But - we have to be able to remain a reasonable level of calm through unexpected meltdowns, particular kids, misbehaving, and all things that come with childhood and learning - or we can't process it with them in a helpful way. Instead, we are reactive and typically resort to being "behavioral" - saying to stop without thinking, saying no, often harshly, because that is where our regulatory capacity is at that point.
The takeaway - no one can understand the demands of your life like you can. Not one piece of blanket advice will support your regulation and zen-status... But figuring out what works is the most valuable thing you can do for the kids.
Top 5 self-care hacks that work for me:
Daily gratitude journaling. I keep a journal next to my bed and write minimum 3 things I am thankful for for that day. It often ends up being 10, because when you stop to think about it there are so many little things in this crazy life that we should stop to look at more often. If I wake up in a mood less than good, I do this in the morning too.
Baths, and fully being "in it": for me this means music, candles if there's time, essential oils, epsom salts, and bubbles because the inner child runs strong in me. This with a cup of tea takes the cake.
Moving my body every day in some way. a long walk with my dog and/or husband, yoga, dancing, shorter HIIT workouts - this used to be more intense which ended up stressing my nervous system versus supporting it. Maybe I'll be back to intense hot yoga and sweaty fitness classes someday, but the gentle approach fits my lifestyle right now and feels right.
Tea. All of my being loves tea. The accomplishment monkey mind in me loves nothing more than afternoon coffee, but by the end of the day I'm left feeling haggard. Any kind of tea gives the pick me up that I need without the drained feeling, and frankly every time I pour a cup I feel a bit more zen just by association.
Meditation. I'm far from a meditation guru and the longest I've gone is twenty minutes, but even a 3-5 minute breather changes my whole perspective. For times I'm feeling irritable, rushed, and frustrated, stopping life for a few minutes is ever-empowering, puts things into a better place, and makes me more available for everyone and thing in my life.
Humor. Listening to a funny comedian - I love Mike Birbiglia- or watching a funny movie - I love anything with Ashton Kutcher. Laughter truly IS the best medicine!
Here's to filling your cup today.
