5 Steps to Get in the Arena and Access Your Intuition
I keep a "good things" file with quotes that just the right people have said to me at just the right moments through my life. Without them, I may not be where I am today. This is one of them:
"What do you have to be afraid of? You are in the perfect place."
A good friend told me this shortly after I learned of occupational therapy. It my first job out of undergrad, working for the unemployment agency in mid-Michigan - nowhere close to where I thought I'd end up out of college. I spent my days talking to unemployed individuals having difficulty with the system. A man called in and in a chatty, positive way for an unemployed man, told me the pride he had over his daughter, an OT in ergonomics. She traveled the world working with designers of automotive factories. In the height of the recession in 2008, she had a thriving, meaningful, mentally stimulating job she adored.
That night, I went home and searched for OT jobs in the area. They were everywhere - hand therapy, rehabilitation, hospital settings - even in Michigan, a state widely impacted by the recession with countless automotive jobs lost, OT was essential, in-demand work. A while after, I would move to Chicago and take the confidence on the phone, ability to regulate talking to people in distress, and this nugget news of OT with me. It became the first of many times OT would come into my life the following few years, but it wasn't until I learned of pediatric occupational therapy (after over a decade of nannying and it not feeling like work) that the pieces began to come together in my mind. With every step and experience gained, the wheels were turning.
In the swirling thoughts of "I don't want to work a desk job for the rest of life" and "I want to pay off my student loans," I felt totally uncertain about where to go next. Around the same time, I had random strangers encourage me to go for what I really wanted to do, good friends asking me questions like this, and random happenings that acting as added assurance I was exactly where I was meant to be. It was then that I learned:
The universe is talking to us if we can be available to listen. When strangers pause to tell you something meaningful, listen to them. When something seemingly insignificant gives you a sign or symbol, stop and look. When the best kind of friends share bits of wisdom that resonates, consider the meaning.
But most of all - trust your intuition. We are truly ALL connected. Every single one of us, whether we like it or not. Every single one of us has access to wisdom from higher power- whatever you believe it to be - as an inherent, "north star" guidance that we don't have to do anything to earn beyond being.
So - maybe this can be meaningful to you.
My top 5 tips to access your intuition and trust that you are in the perfect place.
1. Put down the phone/laptop/other device.
The most reflective times of my life have been when I have been most restrictive of screens. i recognize the irony in this and writing this to share ON A SCREEN. However - although I believe there is no such thing as wasted time, I do believe there is such thing as cutting off our access to "source energy" by flooding ourselves with the mental overstimulation that naturally comes with being on screens. The less external stimulation available, the more you can hear that personal, inexplicable intuition and make choices for ourselves and our families. I experienced this while on my stint on reality television (yes, more on this later, and believe me when I say DO NOT believe everything you see on television : ) ) that ended up being one of the best times of my life, and one that changed everything about my life's path. I had no access to tv/computer/even the radio for a month and in that time, I decided to quit my job, completely change career paths, and follow my passion. The mental freedom gave me clarity to realize my purpose, and the time to build the courage to go for it.
2. Love your path.
But how to? My #1 technique has been to WRITE. There is research that shares the power of writing in working through trauma and challenge, however, this is more a reflection of my personal experience with writing. Since I could write, I have kept a diary. As a girl it was a small, pink one with gold tipped pages and a key, then became notebooks stored between my mattress and box spring, then finally a private blog that I started with girlfriends when I was 18 and continued on long after they discontinued. It has been one of the biggest gifts and tools for me - writing through the highs of relationships, pondering breakups, traveling to Europe, living in Brazil, more breakups, hashing out everything I had learned and took away from them. It taught me not just to trust my path, but to fall in love with every bit of this wild life, and to gain insights and lessons learned each step of the way. Feeling overwhelmed with decisions, to-do's, demands of littles? My unknowing, unassuming suggestion to you: Write. Writing has revealed answers to me again and again.
3. Feel.
The problem with avoiding negative feelings is that we cannot mask only certain emotions - we cannot pick and choose (Brene Brown). If we avoid being sad, we avoid joy. If we resist anger, we simultaneously lose the opportunity to fully feel the positive stuff. If you do not feel the sad, you miss out on accessing the intuitive sense that will allow that incredibly subconscious, out of this world feeling of "ah. THIS is what next step I need to take." The more you feel - not resisting, yet not exaggerating the emotions - the more you are open and receptive to receive, and the more things will fall into place. Bonus: the more you do this and realize the value in feeling the more you understand how the tough, challenging stuff is part of what makes us fully alive. You stop pitying others when bad things happen to others and are able to listen neutrally, connect, and have the capacity to sit through it alongside them.
4. Stay in your lane.
This is something I always believed strongly, yet never had language for before hearing this phrase. To me, staying in your lane means disregarding societal standards with every bit of gusto you can muster. I argued against these expectations in my mind, assuring myself that if it didn't feel 110% right, it wasn't for me, and I wasn't going to compare my one of a kind life path with anyone else's opinion of what makes happiness. This is what gave me courage to take a semester off and live in Brazil when the study abroad program I applied to decided to only take spanish minors last minute (I was not); this is what allowed me the courage to break up with my (wonderful) boyfriend of 4 years at 23 for no other logical reason than it didn't feel 100% right; this is what allowed me to put a lucrative sales position on hold to do a 180 in my career path; this is what caused me to have the best 1.5 years of single life in the city and do all "single lady" things I could - something I trusted I needed before marrying my favorite guy a few years later. STAY IN YOUR LANE. With social media connecting us with more people than we have ever been connected and bombarding us with "what should be" on the regular, this comparison strike is more essential to preserving our individuality than ever.
5. Get in the arena.
This is a Brene Brown reference and one that has resonated with me, because every amazing turn in my life it is because I have been IN THE ARENA.
Background information: My brother died of suicide when I was 18.
I could write a book on this alone, but for now I will say this: Before Daniel's death, I imagined myself a CEO with a big corner office in the city. working and running a big company - never needing anyone, being totally self-sufficient, had some big dreamy visions about being featured in Fortune magazine. After losing him, this goal lost its luster in my heart - mere months before heading to Ann Arbor for school. By the time I processed him being gone, I spent the undergrad not sure what to do or where to go next. But I stuck with it. I met tons of friends, I took all of the classes, worked my butt off, took all kinds of jobs to gain insight about what I liked to do. I have had over twenty jobs in my life and whether it was working concessions at my hometown movie theater or waiting tables, every one has meant vast learning and growth.
I had no clue where I was going, but I spent every minute I could putting myself out there and figuring it out. I deeply understood the brevity of life and the importance of trusting the process, yet not sitting in the bleachers waiting - but making moves. The big changes in my life have been preceded by "20 seconds of courage" and taking each "insignificant" job was no exception.
This quote from "We Bought a Zoo" hit home for me. It is human tendency to stay in comfort, but the comfort zone is not where we learn. To grow, we need to tell them/send the email/make the phone call/say what you're afraid to say/take the first step, or even take these 20 seconds to radically accept exactly where we are and feel all that comes with it. From there, the dominoes start to fall or the courage to be IN IT, exactly where you are, takes over. Do it before you feel ready and trust the process in getting there.
“You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.”
― Benjamin Mee, We Bought a Zoo
When in doubt, repeat that phrase an incredibly trusted, decade-older friend asked me when I needed it the most: "What do you have to be afraid of? You are in the perfect place."
Harness the courage, dust off the self-doubt, and get in the arena.
Toasting to you-
K
